Have Excellent Connections With People To Build Harmonious Relationships
Humans are social creatures and we are interacting with men and women every day of our lives. Usually, our happiness depends a great deal on how the interactions with every individual turns out. This is especially true of those we care about.
However, since each and every personality we deal with is distinctive and presents its own challenges, managing the myriad of relationships requires us to consciously observe the process and impact of our relationships. We can continue to obtain knowledge, understanding and experience in developing relationships in a positive way.
I have realized that to have very good management of relationships, we have to be assertive and honest in sharing our views, feelings and concerns. However, this needs to be done in a way that does not provoke the other party, but is instead respectful and encourages both parties to listen to each other. A good way to do this is through the communication method of “I” messages.
In “I” messages, arguments are made about ourselves, how we feel, our concerns, and what actions of the other individual has led to the concerns. “You” messages focus on the other person and would usually lead the other party to become defensive unless the “you” message is really a positive statement of the other individual.
In a conflicting situation, the “you” message focuses on attacking the other person. As a result, the main issues are pushed aside. The clear communication of the concern is really a very good starting point for all parties to work out what can be done about it.
“I” messages are successful since the focus is on the problem or concern and not on the other person. The sharing of the speaker’s feelings may also lead to a lot more trust within the relationship. It shows the speaker is willing to look within himself or herself and take responsibility for his or her feelings.
Using “I” messages is often superior to “you” messages and is a more respectful way of communicating.
Generally, there are three parts to an “I” message:
“I feel (express your feeling) when you (describe the action that affects you or relates to the feeling) simply because (explain how the action has an effect on you or relates to the feeling).”
The order in which the 3 parts are expressed is generally not important.
At times a fourth part might be added. This states our personal preference for what we would like to take place instead.
Examples of more “I” messages:
“I get really anxious if you raise your voice at me because it makes me feel like I’ve done something very wrong. Could you please not raise your voice when we talk?”
“I’m so happy you are learning to cook because then I’ll know you are able to prepare your own meal when I’m unable to be home in time to cook.”
Using “I” messages might not come naturally to most people initially. However, with practice, you are going to be surprised at how you will start to like this dating and relating approach, specifically when you start to experience the good result of better quality interactions and more harmonious relationships.
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